Hellboy: The Crooked Man (Issue #1 of 3)
Writer: Mike Mignola
Art: Richard Corben 

Well, that was a relief after Gamma Corps. Good ol’ fashion quality writing combined with good art and non-childish themes; it felt good. It’s always fun to go from we-need-to-be-careful-and-not-offend-the-kids comics to saggy-skin-of-naked-woman-spread-out-on-bed comics. Yes, there is a scene where the skin of a woman is spread out on a bed. You can actually find it on the back cover if you’re too cheap to buy it. It sucks, though, because when the woman gets back and puts her skin on (she’s a witch), she suddenly looks attractive. But I can’t find someone attractive who just had her skin sprawled out on her bed. No, that’s weird. She looked way too much like a saggy 90 year old lady for a second. Speaking of which . . .

Doesn’t getting old suck? And I’m not talking like the transition from teens to twenties or thirties to forties. No, I’m talking old. Like 80 to 90 years old, old. You’re unable to do so much and it’s so much worse than when you were a kid. At least when you were a kid you had never experienced so much that life has to offer, but when you’re nearing the century mark you have a lifetime of experiences shouting in your face “life could be this much better!” You start to fall apart physically internally and externally, your mental everything becomes slower and less on the spot. I mean, why does this have to happen? It’d be pretty sweet if we could just live our whole lives as 25 year-olds but live the same amount of years. We’d always be healthy. We’d always be (at least somewhat) attractive. I mean, I know that makes for a really weird world, but it’d be nice to no have to worry about Alzheimer’s! 

Another thing that sucks about getting old — and this is what Hellboy reminded me of — is saggy skin. I’m not looking forward to every time I’m about to jump into the shower looking at myself and being all “What the hell has happened?” Saggy skin is like a slap in the face that you’re getting old and there’s no way to stop it. Plus, there’s no up from there. No, fellas. You can’t tan that shit away. You can’t work out and lose a few sags. You just step into the mirror and look at the downfall of your body. Sucks, don’t it?

Sorry. That was depressing.

Cheers!