Since I am a lazy ass and haven’t even done a comic review this week. The reason is also because I try to hide my comic reading from those I live with. I’m a closet case, deal with it. I figure I better boggle your feeble minds with an even more grand story. Well of course I’m talking about every little boys dream of building a fantastic fort. Start out with just a sheet when you are real small, not knowing the half of it. Later you develop an infatuation with boxes and build the crap out of those for a while. Boxes are great, but they are preconstructed and therefore cheating. I would actually still totally use them if I had big enough boxes, but I dont fit in those anymore. So I will share with you today a few of my favorite fort designs of the past (and future) in brilliant paint glory. Read on.

Name: Snow Fort
Length: 25 FT
Height: 3.5 FT
Primary Purpose: Shooting Snowballs

This was a great one back in the day. My paint skills rock by the way. But anywho, its primary weapon was a pea-shooter style rod which allowed me to blast people walking by on the sidewalk with slush crap. The green line shows how much above “snow level” the fort was and its descent below. Also since it had rained the days earlier so the whole thing was fused in solid ice. Solid, priceless, elegant. Still not an indoor fort though, lets move on.

Name: Basement Fort
Highlights: Double barred entry system to deny attackers, especially un-manuverable girls, which are strictly not permitted.

This fort was fantastic, the extra protection to the old mattress section was crucial to withstand attacks. The walls on the south , north and east side are couches while the west side is a wall. Ceiling blanket was held up by tying it to basement rafters. Amazing chill zone. Ghost stories were top reading material for that location.

Finally I want to list a few features I think would be great in my next fort. And when I get around to it, I’ll finally draw my fort up for everyone.

• Couch Cushion doors. Everyone loves a bit of posh niceness. This would be a sweet little way to open up to the world.
• A section with a mattress maze. Multiple mattresses, multiple ways in and out, perhaps as a barrier to entry, this is a fort after all.
• Sock ball cannon.
• Carefully planned sheet ventilation system.
• Tunnel/tube directly to the fridge for food.

I might just have to try it out this weekend.