Ultimates 3 Issue #1
Writer: Jeph Loeb
Artists: Joe Madureira and Christian Lichtner 

Jeph Loeb is a stud. Everyone who reads comics knows that. Tony Stark is a stud. Everyone in general knows that. Sex sells. Everyone in the stratosphere knows that. No wonder this comic sold so well when it came out.

On the first page Tony Stark is caught in a sex scandal with the Black Widow. This somehow leads to Venom being absolutely pissed off (but then again, when isn’t he?) and some other crazy shit, and later we learn that Quicksilver and a special someone are in love (can you say incest?). Yes, this issue is pretty risque. As many flaws as there are (although I don’t believe it’s quite as shitty as The X-axis makes it out to be), I’d like to see where this one is going. Loeb keeps the pace up with an eventful issue, and with his history, I’m confident he’s got a larger plan.  But reviewing this thing is a whole ‘nother story, and that’s not what I do.

So I’d like to keep talking about sex because, well, when isn’t that a saucy topic?

Thor and Valkyrie. A 19 year-old with a fucking ancient thunder god. I mean, being a thunder god sure pays off, doesn’t it? Not only do you get to wield a sweet hammer, fly about, carry a cane when you’re in human mode (an ultimate sign of badassity), but you also get hot women flying (literally) in to express their love for you. Sign me up! I think I could do without the long flowing blonde hair, but everything else would make up for it. Plus, I’d get to speak in that sweet Norsian English language he talks in. That might be worth it right there.

So now I have a question for you: How much of a douche would you consider me if I started walking around with a giant hammer? Not really using it or anything, but it would be me just walking around chillin’ with this giant hammer. I know if I saw someone in public doing that, I’d probably laugh. Unless he had Norseman gear. Then I’d ask for a picture. But I mean, what would you do? This is a fucking serious topic here. It could happen to any of you? Start thinking about it. Sleep on it. Write an essay on it for your sociology class. Giant fucking hammer. Think about it.