The Greatest Golfer Who Never Lived
Author: J. Michael Vernon

Well, that wasn’t cool. I had this awesome post all strung together, and then wordpress lied and said it had been saved when apparently it hadn’t — good to know! That post had a sweet explanation of why Preacher Week has been put on hold, but now I’m frustrated, so I’ll give you a lame bulleted list version:

    -I only have two posting days this week, and that’s not enough for Preacher week
    -I did nothing to promote Preacher week in advance

So now I’m going to promote Preacher week as being next week. For today, I decided to do something a tid bit different.

Out at the poolside the other day, I was kind of bored, so I picked up a novel. Like a non-graphic novel. Or a graphic novel without graphics, if you will. I read it through it’s entirety and wanted to rant about something. I figured this would be a good place and that anyone reading this would be able to take a break away from reading about comics and engorge themselves on me hating on a writing style. Sound fun? Well, you have no choice.

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Writer: Shaun McLaughlin
Penciller: Abdul H. Rashid
Colourist: Alexander Cutri
Letterer: Matias Timarchi
Cover Artists: Alexander Cutri, Abdul H. Rashid

Sadly, Nas was right, no idea is original these days, and its mostly how you present things that matters.  Too many of these stories want you to know the whole background and why things are going on right from the bat. I want to figure that out on my own, I don’t need a cut and dry force of good who tries to help and a force of evil who lives underground with spiders. Give me some grey motives, some randomness. Naming your chatecters after Greek heros that were famous for shape shifting images and crap is not the way to get things done. Granted, the Prince of Persia series never held back letting you know that things were related to time. We had the Isle of Time, kingdom of Time, Prince of Time. We got the idea.  After struggling through it, this did remind me of another great story involving a guy named Daedalus. (more…)

Preacher: All Hell’s A-Comin - TBP 8 of 9
Writer: Garth Ennis
Art: Steve Dillon and John McCrea 

Come one, come all. Let me tell you about one of the greatest quotes I have ever read. If you are very sensitive to gender issues, then enter warily. You may disagree with its point; it may make you want to shout. But regardless of that, it flows off the tongue wonderfully and will definitely make you think.

Garth Ennis is a genius. He’s not only an amazing writer for story, but he’s got dialogue down to a science. Wil complains about comics he’s read so far not being dark enough, and I tell him constantly that he needs to read Preacher. I feel like Preacher is one of those series that can single-handedly get someone into comics. It’s that enjoyable and is that well-crafted.

Unfortunately, my sad story is that I’ve actually been reading it for 3 years now, and I still haven’t finished. My first two years were very sporadic, but this year I finally cracked down on getting it done and have bought a TPB each month for the past three. So here I am on the second to last and coming across this brilliant quote. Hit the jump, folks.

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Before I started reading these book bound comics, webcomics were my first true love.  It all started when I had to wake up early, and besides Dilbert, paper comics kinda lost their effect on me.  Calvin and Hobbes was another great staple to the morning reading, but that too, has passed.

Nowadays I look for something that relates a little more to my everyday life. Paper comics were good, I just had no idea how much better it could get once I narrowed down my search to just a handful that really struck home.  Now every morning when I wake up and chow on a bowl of Lucky Charms, I bust out my favorite bookmarked chuckle chunks.

First on my list is always Dilbert, to get the sarcasm rolling and to start up my work mood. Next I admittedly read Questionable Content because its about one notch less lame than daytime soap operas, and slightly more entertaining.  I had found it one day while mega bored at work, and after reading every single comic since inception, I just felt I had to continue on. Also I may have watched All My Children on ABC as a child for several years and developed some weird need to have a soap opera around. No comment.  I hit up XKCD because I enjoy being a nerd, and 90% of those make sense to me, although I do get discouraged when I’m all excited for a Unix related comic that turns out to be about love or feelings or puppies. No one needs your puppies. Finally Penny Arcade and SMBC Comics, because swear words make me feel good inside.  Nothing says “this is a great comic” like a bold, underlined motherfuckers in the middle of a panel.  Now that’s something you can’t do in your local funnies section, and comics their parents can’t be proud of.

I am always open to new ones, and while Dalton and I had originally considered starting one, we had two major problems with that little deal. First, I can’t draw (see forts), and second we are too lazy. That sort of thing requires actual commitment while I barely drag my ass in to finish by the deadline, or whatever it is we go by.

Either way I enjoy picking and choosing my own comics page. Actually that would be a great idea for a site. One that just stuck together your favorite comics in a newspaper page and displayed as one giant image or something. Pointless and stupid, but I would totally subscribe to it. Perhaps even an real print version for the folks who still like to unfold that wonderful few pages calmly nestled between the classified. Maybe the Kindle will come out with some sort of attachement for that. I would be totally down once I had expendable income.

In real news, we are thinking of instituting a Review Wednesday of sorts. Also if anyone can give a good answer on why CD’s and DVD’s are released on tuesday, you get a prize.  Saying they just do, or that it makes shipping convienient is a stupid answer and I will mail poop to your inbox. Non stupid answers welcome.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man (Issue #1 of 3)
Writer: Mike Mignola
Art: Richard Corben 

Well, that was a relief after Gamma Corps. Good ol’ fashion quality writing combined with good art and non-childish themes; it felt good. It’s always fun to go from we-need-to-be-careful-and-not-offend-the-kids comics to saggy-skin-of-naked-woman-spread-out-on-bed comics. Yes, there is a scene where the skin of a woman is spread out on a bed. You can actually find it on the back cover if you’re too cheap to buy it. It sucks, though, because when the woman gets back and puts her skin on (she’s a witch), she suddenly looks attractive. But I can’t find someone attractive who just had her skin sprawled out on her bed. No, that’s weird. She looked way too much like a saggy 90 year old lady for a second. Speaking of which . . .

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Dear Wil,

Speaking of Batman, I’m assuming the Spirit trailer played for you, too. Did that not look fucking amazing? 

Overall, the previews didn’t grab me nearly as much as others had in the spring — when we got Iron Man, Hellboy, Spirit, Batman in one swoop — but Spirit was awesome. It also made me more anxious for the next Sin City.

Cheers,
Dalton

He certainly is a hot topic these days.  New movies, renewed interest from the usually uninterested.  Although I don’t enjoy jumping on the batwagon, I’ve always been interested in the story.   To be honest, what little kid doesn’t get highly interested in either Batman, Superman or Spiderman. That is a multiple choice question with no optional candidate.  Choose your favorite of those most popular three. It definitely says something about how you like your hero figures served. Recently I had a conversation with a friend who’s superhero knowledge was about the same as a pancake’s.  However it did shed some light onto why these three are pretty much the top of the list as far as legendary and old superheros go. This is what she came up with using her pancake brain. (more…)

WWH Hulk: Gamma Corps Issue 4 (of 4!)
Writer and Artists are the same

Is someone throwing a party? I feel like they should after completing that blunder of a boring, cheesy, kid-filled line, Hulk adventure. I have read many of them in my day, but I will be very reluctant to pick up another A-rated comic for a long time. Good thing next on cue is Hellboy (ooo, teaser!). Have you ever started something that you highly disliked but stuck through it just to get your money’s worth? What most comes to mind is film. I haven’t sat through many shitty movies (because I rarely go to ones I don’t want to see), but I have been a couple. One that sits vividly is Michael Bay’s (begin sarcasm) masterpiece (end sarcasm) The Island. That was one of the worst movies I have ever sat through, and I did just that, I sat through it. I don’t know why we do it, but there has got to be a reason. (more…)

The Book Of Lost Souls #2
Writers J Michael Straczynski and Colleen Doran

Well that does it, I no longer have any faith in this series whatsoever. They had so much hope, what with the Gothic setting, suicidal guy, book that gets unwritten. All the major events that would make something interesting and good. Perhaps, you know, good enough for people to want more of. As for the second issue though, it pretty much crushed my dreams like a piano in Tom & Jerry cartoons.

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WWH: Gamma Corps Issue #3
Writer: Tieri
Art: Ferriera 

I’m getting to the point where this is slightly driving me nuts. This story is still building up, and there is one issue to go. This better be a pretty amazing climax because it’s been pretty dull so far. The last two pages were cool, but isn’t that a little late to finally start getting some action in a HULK COMIC!? Sorry, but I’ve grown to expect smashing in my Hulk, and there is very little smashing in here. Oh, and for you interested if there was any more shift + number swearing in this comic: yes, there is plenty more of it. Maybe I just read too many comics that get away with swearing. Are all A comics written like this? I don’t read too many of them. I don’t remember Ultimate Spider-man having this, and I think that was “A.”

Now for a fun imagination exercise:

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