I’ve seen a lot of websites. Heck anyone has, but I’ll go out on a limb to say I browse sites more than most, and having created a few I can get bored very easily with the bad ones. I must say though that quirky writing of a site really makes me fuzzy inside. I don’t know how many of you out there have ever been to www.woot.com, but I highly suggest a look. Every day, they post a product there for a usually lower than normal price, and they sell it to you via money. Pretty standard for, you know, buisnesses. The thing that makes this site interesting is the absolutely amazing writers that are employed on staff. Whoever these writers are, bra-vo! They could make me want to buy a fifty dollar lip synching Elvis kareoke machine. I almost thought about it by the way. For example, I really must share with you all one of the product descriptions that made me pee my panties a little. (This is not reprinted with permission but as a disclaimer I did not write this at all, it was the Woot guys from Woot incorporate in Wootville USWoot, ,they rock). And be sure to sing in tune with the song Wonderwall by Oasis.

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Excalibur Issue 40: The Trial of Lockheed
Writer: Scott Lobdell 
Art: Dave Hoover

This may be one of my favorite old school Excalibur issues. I had never read it before; it was in my pile of “comics I never got around to at some point in my life,” but I couldn’t resist the cover. I picked it up, started reading, and was overjoyed. First of all, Lockheed is awesome. Let’s get that straight. I was so pissed off when he wasn’t included in X-3 at any point (despite the inclusion of Shadowcat) and think he should be used as a central character more often. With that said, this issue plainly rocked.

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As usual, Dalton ate my face off about not posting. Perhaps he was right to do so. Also I may have been driving through different states, coming from a weekend without an internet connection. All possible. Instead I spent most of my non-writing-yet-somewhat-free time bowing down to his random blog formatting demands and arbitrary settings changes. Those whip marks on my back will be slow to heal.

Really though, there is a larger reason why I havent been posting on time. I seem to be almost weighed down as a result of lifestyle choices. Those choices involve mostly chicken. Today I’m going to break down some mega math, I hope everyone is ready, hold on to your butts.
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Mortal Kombat: Issue 0
Writer: Charles Marshall
Penciller: Patrick Rolo
Inker: Bobby Rae

I had a different comic planned out that I was going to write about but then while at Half Price Books today I started browsing through the 25 cents stash. As you may be able to guess, HPB didn’t have anything good in stock, so that’s why I made my way to the clearance pile. Anyway, I found myself this little gem *cough* and strangely got so excited at the prospect of a Mortal Kombat comic that I read it immediately when I was home. I knew it was going to suck, but I still had some hope that it would give me some nostalgic enjoyment. Well, it didn’t; the book sucked, and I didn’t even finish it. But I would like to talk about one prized little frame I came across: Page 2, Kano decided to speak:

“Holy Spit,” he says.

This is were one would normally say “Holy Shit.” Now, is it just me or is it kind of odd that Mortal Kombat had to dumb it down to that level? For a minute, let’s ignore the fact that the writers chose “spit” instead of, well, anything that makes sense. Shouldn’t Mortal Kombat has been crossing boundaries and being offense? Granted, this was written in 1994, but we’re talking about a game where you could rip another character’s heart out. You’d think they’d at least have the balls to use the word “crap.” Regardless, this gave me a good moment of laughter. In fact, the only moment of laughter until the second to last page where I saw this:

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Dear Wil,

You missed your posting duties yesterday, and I’m going to be flying / at airports all day tomorrow, so I decided to get a post in to fill in the void. 

As you know, I’m a pretty die-hard fan of the MGS series. With that said, this week has been a bitch to deal with. I don’t own a PS3 and will be in constant travel for the next year, so there is no way to justify buying one / I don’t trust myself not to break it while moving around. Trying to avoid the spoilers of MGS 4 and the depression of not being able to play it led me to recently buying Metal Gear Acid for PSP. I just purchased a PSP about a month ago and had been yet to pick up any of the Metal Gear games. I figured now was a better time than ever. In essence, MGA is my nicorette gum.

The point I wanted to make is that Metal Gear Acid is actually a really good game. For some reason, it received a lot of poor reviews, but I’m really enjoying it so far. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a metal gear game and that I’m supposed to be sneaking and not killing everyone on the map (like most turn-based strategy games), but otherwise it’s a blast. There’s plenty of good nostalgic goodies, and the story is somewhat interesting so far (although it seems to be a relative diversion from typical MGS games).

But in all reality — damn, I wish I could be playing MGS4 right now.

-Dalton

I may not know anything about who Gambit or Rogue is, but I can figure a few things out on why that whole situation could have been handled a little bit easier if Gambit spent a little less time crime fighting and a little more time researching how to live through sex.  To me the situation seems pretty straightforward.  Ring up Professor X, he knows a lot of stuff, mostly about science.  Being that he’s psychic, he also really knows that Gambit wants to get it on.  I don’t need an X Brain to figure that one out. Anyhow, Professor X then gets Beast in charge of some sweet, comfortable, Rogue shaped latex suit.  A body condom if you will. Third step is to invest heavily in Vaseline. That stuff is cheap, I’m sure you can find a gallon of it for like 10 bucks. Fourth, get Rogue in that suit, and get that Vaseline on. Now just let nature take it’s course. Sure it’s not quite as intimate as real skin, but there are downsides to being stupid enough to date someone you can’t touch.

Chances are it wont be the greatest thing they have ever experienced, but she really has nothing to compare it to anyway.  On second thought maybe Beast should implant some sort of penile authentication for Gambit, but maybe that would be a bit much. Then again, you’ve already taken it quite over the line, might as well keep running.

Also upon thinking of some of those pros and cons, I can add a few of my own.

Pro Additions:
1). MIDF
2). Also chance of her turning into some sort of supermodel during.
3). Same appearance, tons more experience.

Con Additions:
1). Could turn into Andy Rooney at any moment just to watch you slowly curl up and die.

Just saying, the guy took a risky way out.

X-Men Issue 173: Bizarre Love Triangle Part 3 of 4
Writer: Peter Milligan
Penciler: Salvador Larroca
Inkers: Danny Miki and Allen Martinez 

When you see Rogue looking angrily at a painfully-burning-in-a-ball-of-fire Gambit, what are your first thoughts as to what the story will be? Please, take a moment to form that thought. Ready? 

Is it that Gambit secretly cheated on Rogue with her mom (Mystique) in order to get laid while dealing with inevitable sexual frustration after dating a woman that he could never even touch but never tells Rogue until her mom comes out and admits they had sex and that she liked it? Really, that’s not what you guessed? Shame.

I picked this issue up at Comicon because it was 25 cents, I thought the cover was cool, and I didn’t think it was part of a mini-series. Well, the first two turned out to be true, but apparently I walked into the middle of some gigantic love triangle. I haven’t been following the Milligan X-men at all, but I knew about Gambit and Rogue dating, so it didn’t take me long to feel in the loop. But regardless of how comfortable I became with the plot I couldn’t get it out of my head that he chose to do his girlfriend’s mom? C’mon, man.

This did get me to thinking, though, that with all moral issues aside would you knowingly have sex with your girlfriend’s mom if she appeared as your girlfriend? There are a few ways to look at this:

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X-0 Manowar: Vengance Trail (Issue #35)
By: Jorge Gonzalez
Penciller: Rik Levins
Inker: Randy Elliott
Colorist: Andrew Covalt

For the record, I have no idea if this is X-zero or X-oh. I’m going to think in my head it’s X-zero because that sounds cooler. But then they should have just wrote in zero instead of the sexually confused O.

Sometimes life can be a jungle, you could be wandering around with you’re faithful companion and band of barbarians only to have to hunt some over sized crocodile beasts. Your companion, i.e. your brain might tell you that you don’t need that crocodile, its too big, it’s pointless. But you don’t mow a lawn with a reel mower for the extra exercise, you do it to appease the barbarian king with its fine cut and natural mulching abilities. Now maybe you think that crocodile you killed will fill your belly and stop the hunger for love, but unfortunately you can’t eat it. It’s not for you, never.

But sometimes it’s also about the stupid things you do to get yourself in trouble. Things that just one second before the bad part comes, you know you were retarded for even considering. Like taking off your power armor to sit down at the feast table. You knew those barbarians were not to be trusted, but you drank their drug wine anyway. This lack of power armor represents me forgetting an oven mitt to get out the bunt cake this evening, come on, try to keep up here people. And boy does that burn. It burns like a reanimated reptile that’s about to tear you limb from limb.

At the end of the day you just need to look back on things and remember what you learned and how your buddy Snakebite may be lurking in the shadows to take revenge. Revenge is bittersweet though, much like the fudge frosting I made to put on that cake. But don’t let it consume you with how good it tastes, otherwise your life will be ruined like some fat person that doesn’t get any dates. I hope this helps in making those daily tough decisions.

Oh, and sprinkles are awesome.

The Invincible Iron Man: Execute Program (Issues #7-12)
By Daniel and Charles Knauf
Penciler: Patrick Zircher
Inker: Scott Hanna

(Disclaimer: I might spoil some stuff in this article.)

With the success of the Iron Man film, I found this time to be more fitting than ever to go back and read one of the mini-series that I never got around to finishing. For this reason, I purchased the “Execute Program” TPB the other day. The book itself was average, but there were some high points: Tony Stark is almost put away for life in prison and then almost dies, Captain America’s head almost gets crushed like a packing peanut, and we find out the nemesis is just some kid (well, yes, he has bloodlines to significance, but he’s still nothing remotely brawny or creepy). But none of that’s the point I’m trying to make.

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So after I got my batch of comic books, I was originally going to start with something completely random, but in reality it’s probably best if I at least had some idea what the heck is going on in what I was reading. So I busted out a Wolverine comic, and I forgot what the series name was, but there was a 3 in it somewhere and I’m pretty sure it had something to do with Texas or with Hispanics in some fashion. From a first experience overall I was quite impressed with the drawing abilities and Logan’s ability to find friends. Usually when I move to a new area, friends are hard to come by, and it takes a few crazy experiences to bring me and others together. But Logan just has a way to a person’s heart, which gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. He does get jealous and kill your card playing buddies with his razor claws, but we all know you suck at cards and were going to lose anyhow.

Plus in a new land, it’s hard to know who to trust, and one minute you may think you’re getting revenge on a amoral drug lord, and the next its all about taking your vengeance out on pregnant women. Curve balls galore I say.

I would also like to think I’m pretty good at following the pattern of book writing. Usually a sentence followed by another one, doing the whole line thing. Occasionally I’ll go across a whole page, but who doesn’t every few paragraphs or so. Speech bubbles are more complicated but at least it deals away with quotation marks, my archenemy. With those it usually ends up in a “Who’s on First” situation. I was delighted to find sentences directly connected to those talking. Like a good action film, you can just phase out the dialog and focus on the killing. This is definitely something I can get used to.

Needs more blood.