As usual, Dalton ate my face off about not posting. Perhaps he was right to do so. Also I may have been driving through different states, coming from a weekend without an internet connection. All possible. Instead I spent most of my non-writing-yet-somewhat-free time bowing down to his random blog formatting demands and arbitrary settings changes. Those whip marks on my back will be slow to heal.

Really though, there is a larger reason why I havent been posting on time. I seem to be almost weighed down as a result of lifestyle choices. Those choices involve mostly chicken. Today I’m going to break down some mega math, I hope everyone is ready, hold on to your butts.

First, I will determine my average daily intake of chicken parts. I eat a lot of eggs and chicken breasts, but we will count these two things separately for basis of comparison because eating an egg dosent destroy the hen of course. Also for this little deal here we will assume that chickens have two breasts. If they have more than that, good gravy roosters are lucky. Alright, here we go.

1 Day
.75 Chicken Breasts
1.2 Eggs

Alright, on average I have between zero and one and a half chicken breasts per day, so I made up some random rounding, point is we have three quarters of a breast in my belly 7 days a week. As for eggs, I usually rustle up 2 at a time, but some days I have none, so .2 sounded good. Also don’t worry folks, I leave out yolks half the time to save some fat/etc.

Now let’s also assume that there are 365.25 days in a year. Those leap years are crazy, they will come out of nowhere and just add an extra day. I got them accounted for. Technically if the year is modulus 0 for 100 or 400 then we also have to add an extra day, but simplicity is good. Speaking of simplicty, I’m going to live another 80 years, I have just decided.

Years = 80

Wait, that was not enough, lets do it, this time with MATH!

days/year = 365.25
total days = 365.25*80
= 29,220 days

Now to convert into chicken days!

(29,220 days * .75 chicken breasts/day )/2 breasts per chicken
= 10,957.5 chickens

(29,220 days * 1.25 eggs/day)
= 36,525 eggs
Eggs produced by one hen per year = 300
36,525 / 300 = 121.75 hen egg years

That seems like some very large numbers. In fact they are, I mean 121 is a lot of hen egg years for anyone. But let me scale it down for relative consumption size…

Chickens slaughtered per year = 8,900,000,000
10,957.5 / 8,900,000,000 = .0001231179 % of chickens

So what does that mean? Basically in my entire rest of my life, I will only eat .0001231179% of chickens produced in this year. Thats a mind boggling amount of chickens. But if I were to be cloned and made into a chicken eating machine, with the population of the earth, we would have a very different story…

6,000,000,000 = number of Wilbur clones
(.75 * 365.25) /2 = ~137 chickens per year per Wilbur
6,000,000,000 * 137 = 822,000,000,000 chickens eaten by clones per year.

Well the world needs to ramp up chicken production by 9,235% if they have any chance of feeding my clone army. That’s assuming I don’t barbecue too often. My God imagine the impact the clone cookouts would have…

Also I just ordered a bundle of comics, so they should arrive this week and I can stop making up ridiculous statistics.